Please Listen to the Introvert

Yet another long week has passed.

What I am desiring for is to recharge myself in a quiet place, away from noise and distraction. The last thing I ever want to do is to mingle with unfamiliar people in any social situations. I find it difficult to conjure a reason to turn down the invite, as well as explaining what an introvert needs.

I want to be alone, and I don’t wish for any company- but how should I phrase it in a polite way, so that outgoing people won’t feel hurt for their nice gesture?

No I am not anti-social. I take longer to get along with people. The fact is I can never get along with everyone, especially if the person is loud, boisterous, bimbotic and disrespects my need for privacy. I don’t see the need to understand them at a deeper level.

It is not that I don’t make the effort to talk. I just don’t dominate group conversations. I like to listen and sometimes laugh for the sake of laughing. I will shut myself off in large groups if the talk doesn’t interest me. But if the topic falls into my areas of passion, I can go on for hours.

You may enjoy yourself during parties, drinking sessions, clubbing, ktv-ing. But those are the activities at the bottom of my bucket list (apart from teaching). People, people, people everywhere. It is torturous to the introvert when they are with people whom we aren’t close with. It feels superficial. Again, I don’t see the need to understand about your crazy side, nor to witness your unpredictable behaviour after getting drunk or high.

People may rebut that dancing and yoga are activities where you are also surrounded by people. But that doesn’t involve much socialising with others. Apart from some small talk with a few people, most of the time you are interacting with yourself to discover where your mind, body and spirit lie that day.

But I am not ashamed of myself being an introvert. Just leave me alone to enjoy my date with myself.

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Finally updating my blog since forever.

I have started internship since 3 weeks ago and just didn’t feel like facing another digital screen after staring at the computer for nearly the whole day.

Ended up at a food delivery company after several unsuccessful interviews. My previous internship was also in F&B. I wonder if the F&B path will be my future career. But anyway those failed interviews presented to me the reality of editorial/writing jobs- for me to end up in that industry, it is nothing but wishful thinking.

Work is alright so far. There are good and bad days. Moved into the new office at Paya Lebar a week ago and this is the view from the window. I just love to stare at the sky and the traffic, watch the world go by and wonder what is going on at the other side of the world. Window of fantasies.

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Can’t believe honors year is approaching. Even though I already took 1 level 4000 module, I didn’t do well for it. I feel so doomed for next semester. Since I have resolutely decided not to do a god damn thesis, I am only left with 7 level 4 modules to clear for the next year. Got an email yesterday from the department inviting us for honors meeting next Tue but I need to work lah dey.

What else… I cut down on my dance classes. Focussing on grade 8 now for the sake of completing my grades and going for open class. I ditched the idea of doing vocational because 1) I am broke like fuck. 2) It is not my goal to become a professional or teacher. A part of me still misses dancing 4 times a week but life has its priorities so I have to take one step at a time.

I lost track of when I since last updated with photos so here are some of the more memorable ones:

-Met up with the co. quite a while back. Watched Inception at the Esplanade Library screening room. Can’t believe it’s the 5th year into our friendship. As of typing this, YH already graduated. How time flies.

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-Watched the SEA Games Opening Ceremony rehearsal. My cousin is involved in the performance so my uncle gave my mum and I the tickets. Quite difficult to capture nice photos cos the audience seat is dark and there was a hell lot of bright lights shining onto the stage. Nothing much to comment, honestly. It’s mostly a spectular display of lights and the perfomance theme is centered on youngsters. But some of the video footages did made me feel the Singaporean pride as a host country.

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-Lunch is free on Fridays. Ordered drinks from Juice Tales for the past 2 weeks. The first taste is always strange but the drink is supposedly healthy. Not cheap somemore.

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During my 2 week stay at the old premises, the food around the area was good especially Blanco Court Fish Soup and Blanco Court Prawn Noodle. And Golden Mile is nearby if you want economical food. Now that we are located in the office wing of Paya Lebar Square, the food is more expensive and boring.

Yeah that’s mostly my life thus far- Dealing with all things food. Fortunately I have a strong stomach so I won’t succumb easily to cravings after intensive exposure to food photos.