Paralysed

image

Can you believe this is my first proper meal for the day? For breakfast I ate a bowl of cherries and a mini coco pop. For lunch I ate a dorayaki. Nope I am not fasting or on a diet (I won’t eat chicken chop if I am on a diet anyway). I just have no time to eat.

Sounds incredible yeah?

This week was hell. After knowing that I have a presentation for my assignment last week, my mind totally went blank. I had no idea what research topic to embark on. Throughout the weekend and monday I was reading up on the available books I can find, with a mind so paralysed that I could not think properly. On Tue which is the day of consultation, I still had no topic to discuss with the prof.

After settling on it, I had no idea how to come up with an argument, and looked up for even more sources instead. On Thurs I was rushing through the preliminary and still doing it on Fri morning, right up till 2.20pm. Rushed out of the house and cabbed to school. Felt very carsick while running through the slides on my tablet and thinking of a possible script.

The preliminary was another hell. I had no idea how to write it because I thought it was an honors thesis thing, so I surfed the net for formats and writing examples. It was distressing filling up 3 pages (instructions said 3 page write up plus bibliography) until I realised that the bibliography is included in the 3 pages when I looked at the material presented by others.

Presentation wise…I don’t think I did well. Given all that stress, I ended up not answering the question I established. Failure moment.
It is only my 1st honors module and I have already paralysed myself with so much stress. How am I going to cope with even more honors modules to come?

Still I am glad this week is over, even though I have to turn in the revised draft 2 weeks later.

Advertisements

Not sleeping well again

1st week of the semester sucked big time as usual. I have a presentation on my essay due next week while I am still feeling very disorientated. Sick of writing scholar-ly things. Why can’t the department let us draw our assignment topics or something?

Anyway I haven’t been sleeping well ever since I moved back. Had weird dreams quite frequently and half the morning is already gone when I wake up.

The most recent dream I had was last night. Researched on the objects and sceneries that appeared, and I was quite amazed how the different symbols turned out to be quite coherent in accounting for how my life is at this juncture.

Prior to sleeping I was hanging up some old postcards with China scenery on my drawer to spice it up a little, so it probably had some connection with what I dreamt.

image

Okay here how it went:

Dreamt that a group of us went to China for a field trip. One of the sites was a desert and we had to stay there for a night. A sandstorm occured at night and freaked everyone out.

The next morning we were supposed to attend a seminar (I think the building located in the desert). When we reached the class I realised my wallet and handphone were missing. My room mate and I told the professor about it and we went to look for it by ourselves, in the desert! On the way we passed by a temporary stall selling souvenirs and my room mate bought something (can’t remember what it was)

We started our search by tracing the route according to how we arrived to the semimar location. After walking past many buildings we located my wallet. When I opened it, there was sand inside but everything was intact.

A little while more we found my phone case but not my phone. Then we came across a phone which was the exact model I am carrying, but when I turned on the screen it was a different screensaver from mine, with a locked screen. Somemore my phone was also protected with a password lock so no one could have tampered with it.

And then I woke up.

A lovely photo of the desert:

image

From: http://www.picture-newsletter.com/china/dunhuang-3kli.jpg

This is Dun Huang in China, a major stop of the ancient overland Silk Road and its caves are rich with buddhist scriptures. Can you believe this town exists right in the middle of a desert?

Back to topic. According to the internet (come on you don’t need a goddamn scholarly source about dream interpretations right!), the objects reveal the following:

● Field trip- You need to incorporate what you have learned with your experiences. The dream represents a transitional phase. Consider the symbolism of what you see and how your felt during the field trip.

● Desert- Desert often indicates that you live too sober, factual and reasonable, also the emotional needs are neglected, you feel unhappy. Finally, the desert also indicates deep existential fear and uncertainty.

● Sandstorm- You are feeling trapped, confined and disoriented in some waking situation. Time is working against you.

● Seminar- You are expanding your knowledge and understanding. There is something that you need to learn or incorporate into your understanding.

● Missing phone- It represents a lack of communication. You have lost touch with some aspect of your feelings or your Self. If you find a cell phone, then it symbolizes reconnection and reopened communication./ You are closing yourself off to understanding or confrontation.

Missing wallet- Wallet is related to self-identity or financial security. Losing your wallet indicates that you are losing touch with your true identity. You are experiencing some anxiety over changes and uncertainties happening in your life.

The meanings do connect to my reality. Right now my mind is still in dreamland and I can’t stop watching ballet videos on youtube. Apart from wondering if I can survive the torturous process of writing essays and another round of exams, I am also thinking of the upcoming summer break. Worried that I will face yet another internship rejection which I cannot stomach.

Yeah that sums up this post. Going for a 6 hour fund raising dance marathon tomorrow. Hopefully some inspiration for my upcoming assignment which is due real soon (The threat is real) will pop up while working out.

End of Internship

Oh hai world. Once again apologies for the lack of updates.

Ended my internship last Thursday. I realised I haven’t been blogging about the job so let me just do it now.

Together with a group of writers, we have to revamp the company’s operation manual to the most updated version and present the content in an eye-friendly format (i.e. not too wordy). There has to be some prior understanding of the F&B industry and the internal workings of the company, which was a little difficult for me because I am not very familiar with F&B. And nope, we were not given a 2 hour crash course on all things F&B or the company. Basically we just received the previous 2 versions of the manual and had to work from there.

The work was flexible because you can write it from home/hipster café/anywhere, as long as you hand in the product. Unlike other writers who mostly didn’t appear in office except when a meeting calls for it (but then again attendance wasn’t compulsory anyway), I reported to office nearly every day. I was quite glad with my decision because I could just clarify things face-to-face, look at the operations first hand and talk to other colleagues.

Managed to submit my assigned 5 chapters (okay with a few edited versions here and there) within a month because I cant concentrate on it when the semester starts. Cant see the final product but it was quite an insightful learning experience to see how a company is constantly rebranding itself to beat the competition and how it manages its franchisees.

Tagged along to one of the outlets for store auditing on my last day and feasted because part of the process includes quality check on the food. Did I mention that lunch is free for staff?

decopic_crop

New semester starting tomorrow. Not very excited about it as usual. I am still not mentally prepared for another semester of assignments, exams, readings and headaches. I want to continue going to sdt for open classes but given the workload this semester I have no confidence in coping grrr.

Anyway I moved back home so it is quietness again. I miss noise. I miss the times when I crack stupid jokes and there will be someone laughing along with me. I miss seeing pets roaming around the house.

Yeah that’s basically it. Don’t know when will be my next update again but there will definitely be one. Soon.

********************************************************************

Side note: I find it amusing to how people who have never seen rosti before interpret a rosti. Below are the responses recorded when I asked them what they think dish at the top left hand corner is.

Mum-yam cake?

S- roti prata?

2nd Aunt- cheese? Pizza?

2nd Uncle- rice?