Losing hope

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Nothing is going smooth nowadays. Society hates me.

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Disappointment hurts more than pain

I hate myself for giving advice to people who are experiencing similar situations which I am in, be it coping for a test/interview or even life in general.

Because when the results are out for my case, it is like a slap on my face for being a braggat who doesnt know anything at all.

I am not in a worthy position to say anything. From now on I will just keep my mouth shut. I can save more people from ending up in a similar situation as me-depressed, lousy, being sucky in everything. And save myself from more emotionally hurt.

Thanks life for teaching me this lesson. It didnt come too late.

Sorry for all the negativity. It has been a difficult week for me. I struggled hard to hide my sadness & disappointment and conceal my tears in public because I dont want people to worry about me. But deep down I am breaking apart.

I cant tell if life is killing me or making me stronger. My inner soul has died.

Kena sai, literally.

From the Coxford Singlish Dictionary:

KENA SAI
A happy marriage of Malay and Chinese meaning to get into trouble. Literally, “got hit by shit.”
“He didn’t do his homework, so kena sai from the teacher.”

Usually I sleep in every morning while the entire house is awake. So my aunts (i share a room with them) will let some cats into the room when I am still sleeping.

One of the cats is Marble the cat.

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Well he has a track record of being the most obedient amongst the other pets and he stares at me while I am sleeping (according to my aunts).

This morning I heard him meowing more than usual but I thought he was just hungry. When my aunt entered the room I told her while still half-asleep that maybe he is hungry so as to shut him up for a moment so I can get more sleep. At that point of time Marble was somewhere beside my pillow (i sleep on a mattress on the floor lol)

And then my aunt yelled.

Lo and behold there was a pile of shit on the floor beside my makeshift bed.

Marble was meowing incessantly because he couldnt control his urge to do his big business. Apparently he tried to wake up that lazy human to get her to open the bedroom door so that he can access the toilet but the human was still in dreamland. In the end he gave the human a pile of shit to teach her a lesson.

That was an effective alarm clock enough to make me wide awake!

And that was how I literally kena-sai on Sunday morning.