Yawn

Was editing the marketing proposal for cca until unholy hours. The previous proposal really needed a lot of amendments. Not sure if that is the final copy submitted to sponsors, but honestly I found it rather unreadable (even though I am not a business student). So this is what life is about: Do, undo, redo, repeat.

My brain sort of malfunctioned today during ballet. Made a lot of mistakes but graciously pulled it off. This is what you get for sleeping at unholy hours.

Recess week was… annoying. It was more of week 6.5 than revision week (for those with mid-terms) or holiday week (for exchange students). I found myself in school everyday settling non-academic matters apart from a make-up tutorial and a project meeting which bored the hell out of me. I felt rather disrupted from revision and finishing up my assignment because usually half a day is gone by the time I am done.

Other than that… celebrated our super belated birthday with the JS people. Photo was stolen to show evidence. The top left one was our very 1st group photo at National Museum cos we went there to do our assignment. And co-incidentally yesterday’s dinner was also at National Museum’s Food for Thought.

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Yeah that’s about it. Feeling lifeless.

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Dreamt about jealousy

I have lesser dreams while sleeping at my grandma’s house as compared to home. Not sure of the reason why but i guess that should be a good thing. Anyway my recent dream was about jealousy, an issue I have been grappling with for nearly a decade. A decade!  Can you believe it?

In real life i am a person who gets jealous of other people’s success easily, including the smallest of things suh as when a person gets praised by a teacher or someone in higher authority. I am aware that some professors say “good” or “excellent” as a form of acknowledgement to the students’ answers instead of using the words’ original meanings. But that didnt stop me from being envious when  students receive words of commendation. Even if the person is my friend, i will still feel terrible about it. That probably shows how impersonal I can get when it comes to studies and career.

So according to my dream, the china history prof YB asked who read the readings for the week during lecture. I was still catching up wih my backlog so I was brutally honest not to answer. Then YH (yes this dream concerns her. I am not intending to tell her about it though) stood up and said she did. In fact she was the only student in class who read the readings. YB praised her and told the class to applaud for her. I remember feeling “wtf” and yelled at her angrily “LIKE THAT ALSO WANT TO CLAIM CREDIT! ”

Cant remember what happened next because I woke up. But the during the day (in real life now) I was revising about Japanese colonialism in Korea and how the Japanese saw Korea’s modernization (developments in infrastrucure, industralisation etc) as their hard work. Well despite all the debate about Japanese colonial legacies in Korea even till today, my stance is that if Japan didnt annex Korea, it would still be rooted in backward ideas and internal court factions in a monarchy lol.

But that aside, my main point in raising the example here is to show that people work at their own pace, just that some fail to rceive credit about it. I am sure there are times when you felt that you work hard about something but still fail to get recognition, or that your results dont seem to justify the number of hours you devoted yourself into the task.

Come to think of it I do feel horrid about that bitchy emotional outburst right in front of the class in my dream. But it is not an easy task for me to hold those negative feelings in control in reality. I still have to appear saintly in front of people who received affirmation, while bitterly wondering why I am not that person, even though I feel that I did put in effort into the task at hand.

Okay that’s all for me. Next week is recess week but have to go back to school for 4 days for non-academic matters. Looking forward to sdt open class!

Happy birthday to myself

I am officially 21 tomorrow.

Legally it is the age of an adult.

So many more responsibilities to take up and be aware of as an adult. Finding a career. CPF. Bills. Managing finances. Getting a flat in the near future. Finding a future hasband. Marriage.

The thought of it already makes me overwhelmed. There are some areas of my thinking and actions which I dont feel them belonging to the adult mentality.

What on earth is adulthood exactly?

How am I going to celebrate it? I have no plans seriously. No fancy 21st birthday party or chalet stays. Nor do I ask for any present like key necklaces.

I am not the type who would organise “rites of passages” to commemorate my birthday. This is not “social anxiety”. It is a matter of personal preference. I have the authority to make my own decisions, instead of following what others are doing.

If people want to celebrate it with me willingly, I will be contented. But if they choose to focus on their own commitments instead, I wont be hurt nor angry.

My wish for 21st? I hope that I can dance for the rest of my life.

Wishing for a simple life, good health, good results… I have already done that for previous birthdays. I am finally reunited with my long lost passion for dance, especially with all the teacher hopping and finding a “home”. I dont aspire to be a professional because I wont make it to that stage. But since it is something I like, I want to enjoy this moment while it lasts.

What’s up recently…

Have been really busy. Let me just flashback some of the recent happenings.

Moved to my aunt’s house while the house is undergoing total renovation for 3 months. So it is 6 people, 10 cats and 1 dog living under 1 roof of a 3 room flat. I like it when there are extra people to talk rubbish to or ask for help from. But the house gets damn noisy when everyone is talking loudly and pets meowing/barking at ungodly hours.

Expect to see a cat on the table first thing in the morning.

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A photo taken from the APTCCN’s cultural tour at Flower Conservatory. That one week of missing school was worth it.

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There will be an appreciation dinner organised by NHB on Monday of recess week for our efforts but I already planned to go for sdt open class. Was looking forward to recess week when school started just for this. When it comes to dinner or dance, I prefer dance. Really.

Anyway, package from the Brunei delegates delivered by officers from Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka who were in Singapore for a meeting with the Malay Language Council. Because of my broken malay, they sent children storybooks for me to practice! The Wang Galagah book (trilingual somemore) was published as part of Brunei’s participation in Shanghai World Expo. It is supposed to convey Islamic values like “promises are not meant to be broken” and ” uncontrollable anger can result in unfavourable change in one’s nature”. The Awang Semut book is along the lines of “Dont be greedy”.

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Curated Dakota Crescent as requested by the JalanJalansg project coordinator. There might be a press release about it in October. Cant wait to download the app already.

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History lectures got more interesting today.

For korean history the prof was talking about 38th parallel. He took out a masking tape, taped one end on the table and stretched it across the room, dividing up the class. Then one student sitting near the “border” played with the tape. The prof saw it, went back to the 1st slide and clicked the youtube link under the header “Dont mess with the 38th parallel”. Link turned out to be a sound effect of a bomb exploding. And the prof said “this is what you get for tapering with the 38th parallel! You will get decimated!”

For china history, the prof flashed a slide on the Qilin, which is some chinese mythical creature which embodies fortunes and blessings. The Qilin was described something like “Have ability to walk on grass without disturbing it, have antlers like a deer and scales like a dragon or fish etc”. We were wondering how it looks according to those weird descriptions until he showed the next slide. Turns out that the qilin is a giraffe. For reasons why qilin is a giraffe just go google it. Lazy to elaborate it here. But anyway we got duped. Really bad.

Other than that… nothing much. School is boring and so is everything else.