I got fired!

Got fired from the flyer job. Not officially but technically. So I was distributing them near the escalator and this lady approached me.

Lady: Do you know that you are not allowed to give out flyers during public events? Somemore you are not even invited to attend.

Me: But I am only tasked to distribute flyers by the job agency (still in state of shock).

Then she asked me who else was with me. Initially I didnt want to implicate HL because I was the one getting into trouble. But then I was worried that she will get dragged into the entire matter sooner or later which will have greater consequences so I had no choice.

Well the lady was saying that it is a violation that we are giving flyers in a public event cos they didnt receive any notice from Kaplan or Recruit Express (Yes, I shall name them here to shame them) informing them that we will be distributing flyers here. She added that Kaplan should have other avenues of advertising their education services instead of relying on us to give flyers ‘illegally’. And she will be writing to Recruit Express saying that she confiscated our flyers and recounting the entire incident.

But fortunately she was also able to empathise with oue plight since we are merely just pawns to help an organisation work and gave advice on how to tackle the part on accepting part time jobs. Well at least she didnt brawl loudly at us in front of the graduands and guests. And I am kinda glad that this is the 2nd last day of the entire thing since both of us arent intending to go back tomorrow.

Few areas which I want to lament about.

First of all I admit that it was some stupidity on my part. Had I chose a more strategic place to do my job, I wont have been caught. But on my mind is only about clearing the flyers asap so that I can accompany my father home as he is getting discharged today. So my strategic was strategic in the sense where flyers can be cleared faster, instead to getting caught by security or the organisers. Actually in the beginning of the job briefing I sensed something wrong cos we didnt have to account to Kaplan or Recruit Express on how many flyers we have given out or our sign-in/out time. I thought that either organisation or both have informed the school that the graduands will receive flyers from them so I didnt ask. BIG MISTAKE.

Second I bet Kaplan is doing this cos they want to win their business back. The goverment is opening up more spaces for poly grads to study at public universities (STRESS!!) so private universities expect their business to be competed away. After all public unis are more credible. And to Kaplan. Do you know why nus/ntu/smu/sutd never send people to distribute flyers in public events? Because the a great product needs no advertisement. And I have never seen education institutes resorting to so lowly methods of advertising by asking people to distribute flyers. I admit that the pay was great. But since you didnt inform the school in the first place and thereby put me into potential trouble, I dont want your dirty money.

And to Recruit Express. I am glad that the lady has decided to write back and complain to you, although I will be affected. So that you will know about the shit that temp job candidates experience out there and hopefully improve your services (even though I have heard many negative feedback made about you).

I sound as though I am being critical. But I have alredy given a balanced account on my perspectives of the incident. It is not as if I didnt blame myself. In fact I feel that it is my ignorance that has caused the outcome. Although I dont have a good impression with Recruit Express after reading reviews on the internet, but I want to clarify that this flyer job was being introduced to me and I needed the money to supplement my allowance.

To anyone reading this and is intending to find a temp job: I sincerely hope that you will learn from my lesson. Choose your agency carefully. Read what other candidates have to say about them on forums. Be discerning when you select your part time job. I would advise you to stick to a 9 to 6 office job instead of event promoting or flyer giving. Although you will get looked down and bullied by colleagues but it is better than landing yourself into deep shit with the public. At least you have an established company to work with, rather than to be mobile and let the public doubt your credibility. Rack your brain about the possible questions you want to ask the job agent about the task. Dont belittle a seemingly simple flyer job because one wrong move made and you are done for.

But most important of all…never be a slave to money.

Luckily this is the 2nd last day if not I would be bored to death at home. Summer schools are starting soon, I cant wait to meet new people and enjoy life.

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All about styes

Nope it is not a typo error for ‘style’. It is a stye!

What are they anyway?

Simply put they are red bumps which plant themselves stubbornly at the base of the eyelash or inside/under the eyelid. And they are tender to touch. Well they can also be classified into external and internal ones. External ones grow at the base of the eyelash while internal ones develop into a gland on the underside of the eyelid.

And there is also a common mix-up between a stye and a chalazion (which I also cant differentiate!). Chalazions develop due to inflammation meibomian glands in the eyelid. And a stye can evolve into a chalazion.

In local lingo styes are known as “bak chiam”. Not a very professional way of putting medical terms across. And people often attribute stye sufferers with peeping at someone who is bathing/peeing in the toilet.  Something like this:

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Water Wally gonna get a stye soon! 

Back to topic. I used to get them  quite often when I was quite young. Ended up going to the hospital to get an operation to remove the stye. According to my parents they said that the doctor claimed that the styes will not grow again on my eye. But during the past year it kept coming back!!! And in a ‘mutated’ form somemore. It used to be just a white speck on the underside of my eyelid, but now it is this ball of redness/pus on the underside or the base of my eye. Stupid doctor cheated my feelings.

When it first happened last year I sought consultation from the GP. She just said it was a pimple in my eye (well technically yes cos it feels like one) and prescribed eye drops. But it didnt work. And from then on, the styes popped out as and when they like. As I am typing this I am still having one. Proof here:

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The scientific explanation claims that styes develop due to infected oil glands of the eyelid as they are clogged (for the underside of eyelid). Another reason is due to the hair follicle at the base of the eyelash being infected. The infection is mostly caused by the bacteria with a chim name of Staphylococcus aureus.

Well I do acknowledge that personal hygiene is important. The recent one was due to my stupid action of scratching my eyelid cos it was itchy. And then it immediately swelled the next day. But I also cannot rule out the TCM explanation that the stye is caused by internal heatiness as I have been sleeping late and eating rather heaty food.

Anyway having styes are AGONIZING! When the stye under the eyelid pops out it gives my eye an artificial double eyelid, which makes my eyes look uneven cos my right eye is a single eyelid. Sometimes I feel as though my vision in my eye is rather blocked by the stye and then I will get a headache. When talking to people I am always praying hard that they wont notice what happened to my eye (self confidence issues!!). When I blink they tend to ache as well. And I will fish out my mirror periodically to monitor the stye, much to the annoyance of others. Not a pleasant thing at all!

And here are some methods which I use to deal with them.

-Spam hot salt water 3 times a day. I guess stye-rs (ie people with styes) gonna yelp at the idea of having hot water touch their eye but the salt can help to get rid of the bacteria around the eye area. And sometimes when the stye is so swollen that it bursts with the pus and disgusting things, the salt can help to clean the wound area. Aiya just bear with it lah. After the pus comes out it is time to celebrate!

-sleep early. If you follow the internal heat TCM argument, sleeping early can repair your bodily functions and decrease the heatiness

-I am not sure if aloe vera helps but I do apply it when it is really swollen. Aloe Vera supposedly helps to de-swell the stye but the eyes gonna burn when some of them go into the eyeball.

-have a follow up plan. You can never be sure when the bacteria will be will be completely gotten rid of. Just continue the salt water procedure for a few more days or until the swelling disappears completely. AND never rub your eyes when they itch especially that affected area. Because that was what I did and I suffered a relapse.

-I cant answer the part about poking it as I will never attempt to do it. Same goes to using eye makeup to conceal the stye as well as wearing contact lenses. But using my layman knowledge it is better to wear glasses because part of the frame can block the stye or divert attention.

Patience is a virtue. Just religiously attend to the stye and it will disappear obediently! Good luck~

Conversations with myself

Some internal chat which I was having with myself while giving out flyers.

Me: Sigh look at those poly students in graduation gowns. I still have 2 or 3 more years before it is my turn.

Me: 2 or 3 years later you will be wearing a graduation gown with light cerise collar! I have never seen graduation gowns with pink before! Will you be wearing heels for your commencement? (A girl walks by) Ooh look at her! Her dress is so pretty! Are you going to wear a dress as well?

Me: Aiya I wear until so nice for what? Its not as if I will be receiving an award or getting 1st class honours. No hope lah. All the prestige has been competed away.

Me: Its only your 1st year! Somemore you dont even know your results for semester 2 yet!

Me: I think my CAP will drop this semester lor. All my papers have essay questions. I take level 1000 my CAP already like this! Dont say 2000 lor.

Me: Make a better choice of modules next semester!

Me: Haiz difficult lah. If all my CAP average out to be 2nd lower by the end of 3 years I rather take a bachelor than to graduate with 2nd lower honours. I dont even know if 2nd lower is good. Just that 2nd upper sounds better since I cant get the 1st class anyway!

Me: Wait and see lor…(sees a couple). Ooh BF and GF graduating together! Do you think he will come for your commencement? Imagine him attending the ceremony with your parents!

Me: High chance that I will still be forever alone when I graduate

Me: You not going to give him a chance? Guys dont come by easy for a person like you.

Me: What if we break up? That is one less person to talk to. Somemore we wont be in the same uni anyway. It will be more difficult to meet up

Me: Dont worry lah relationship just let fate decide.(attention shifts again) Wow look! proud mummy and daddy with their child taking photos! Imagine your parents giving you flowers and a graduation bear!  Noo maybe hello kitty in graduation gown will be better.

Me: I just hope there is enough $ at home to see me through a few more years of education. The school’s financial assistance scheme is rather pathetic and 2K subsidy is the maximum I can find. I already give up on applying scholarships since I fail everytime.(And then starts to worry about my family problem)

See the dichotomy? One part of me daydreams of a better future of myself upon seeing the happiness of others. While the other has to struggle and work around the constraints of reality and its uncertainties.

Anyway I wasnt totally daydreaming during work ok! I am already doing my best to clear those flyers!

Ps. My left eye is swollen. Again.

Lost in the moment

I’m just a little girl lost in the moment

I’m so scared but I don’t show it

I can’t figure it out, it’s bringing me down

I know I’ve got to let it go and just enjoy the show

Exactly what I am feeling right now. Right now my life is just a mess and a rough patch of trials and setbacks. Completely different from what I have envisioned.

Motivational speakers always ask their audience to close their eyes and imagine what their life will be 10 years from now and then work towards that goal. Well that I tried. But reality is always the opposite. Difficulties always pop out when you least expect them. And they conspire with one another to give you a double/triple/quadruple dosage.

I thought I can get the peace which I need when the academic year is over. But that is only the start of my worries. I dont wish to dwell on them here because it doesnt give me an instant solution. In fact I dont know where I should start from when I tackle them. I feel so lost.

Some I have decided to let go. Because I have given up running the rat race with other people who are better than me. It is time for me to realise that I shouldnt continue persisting in something when the circumstances are unlikely to give me a favourable outcome. I rather do it for experience and enjoyment than to make it perfect and live up to the expectation of others and myself. I have enough failure scars and I dont want to get inflicted with more injuries again.

But the rest…what am I to do? Sometimes I wish I can just gaze into a crystal ball which foretells me a list of setbacks which I will face in the future. Then I can psychologically prepare myself and plan how to deal with them once they arrive. Because right now they are so unpredictable. It sounds rather immature of me to make such a statement but once in such situation, I hope you will understand how I feel.

Updates of the week

Still feeling rather moody with my family problems but I shant let it affect my post. Have never faced such kind of situation before where there is a high possibility about the sudden loss of income. Feel rather burdened by financial problems. If only I got the scholarship then half the problem can be solved since the school fees are being subsidised. (There I go again. It is not that I cant let go of the matter. If my family problem didnt happen, I would have dropped the entire subject. But now things are happening at such an untimely manner which makes me worry about financial issues.) Now on top of the loss of income, there are still medical expenses with school fees and all. The maximum financial subsidy I can find that is offered by the school is 2k. Really at a loss now.

anyway lets move on… most pics here have no filter and they are not in chronological order. All taken with my new phone. I love their smart auto-focus feature cos I dont have to keep adjusting any buttons.

Blood donation on  Wednesday. This is their new squeeze toy

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Barely made it through the minimum weight requirement.

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Outfit of the day, my aunt’s foot and 2 cats in the background. Even the bandage complements the shirt color. lol

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This is what Doremi is thinking: No, I am not going to turn around and pose for the camera. Leave me alone and let me sleep!

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S4 covers by a philistine in the area of handphone cover designing

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Dinner with YH and HL at Nebo on thursday after our briefing in regards to the 1 week flyer job. The fish meal below has a 50% off for the 2nd one if 2 sets are ordered. Not bad though, but quite dry.

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YH’s icecream

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The only pic with filter. Nebo provides games to play so we ended up playing stacko. YH was trying to create effects that can cause the other players to lose such as blowing at the tower when someone is trying to take the block. And karma didnt strike back at her. Lucky woman. Anyway here is one of the catastrophic effects that happened when the tower collapsed. A pity that YH has finished her ice-cream if not she will be eating an additional wafer made of plastic.

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Close up with no filter

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Amount of flyers I have to give out to the graduating poly students for the next 7 days. Please dont run away from me!! I am giving you a piece of information which can be valuable to your future education!! I am helping you to clear up the imperfect knowledge ok! Thank me!

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Haul from Book exchange at central public library. Helped out on monday to collect and sort out the books donated by the public and saw a book which I fell in love with. But couldnt find it on the actual day cos the place was too chaotic and people just dumped books anywhere when they do not want it. Typical Singaporean behaviour! The books werent sorted out according to biography or business, just fiction and non-fiction in the various languages. Hung around mostly at the non-fiction area and most books were on business and computing. YAWN. But there is what I managed to pick out. Mostly history (SEA, china, russia). The rest are just global issues

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Will be spending the next 4 days of next week giving out flyers. The pay is quite lucrative I must say. 10 per hour. But I really need the money. I can survive this!

Yesterday was YX’s birthday. Happy birthday YX! I miss the times where we crapped with one another 2 years ago. Wishing all the best for you. If got 缘分 I really hope to see you again.

Dreaming of teeth

Among my series of weird dreams I dreamt of my teeth falling out yesterday. I forgot the exact details but I remembered having to spit out bits and pieces of my teeth in the toilet in school and trying not to freak out at what is going on.

In fact it isnt the first time I dreamt of falling teeth. Asked my mum what it implies and she said it wasnt something positive. So I decided to search for its implication and this were the parts relevant to me:

Another rationalization for these falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxieties. Perhaps you feel that you are unprepared for the task at hand. However, you will find that your worries are unfounded in most cases. Sometimes what plays out in your mind is far worse than what is reality.

Well my main worry right now is my family problem but I wasnt embarassed about it. I got so anxious that I ended up writing a complain to the hospital about my dissatisfaction towards their scheduling of medical examinations. And I even admitted to those whom I confided in that I over-react in times like these. I just hope for the best of the results.

Maybe my upcoming embarassment is the 1 week flyer job I will be taking on before I go for summer schools. I had a one-time magazine giving experience and experienced the typical Singaporean behaviour-ignoring people when they dish you a flyer. Will be giving those flyers in schools now and I am expecting more cold stares and ignores. I should have helped to take flyers so that I can have some good karma points when it is my turn to distribute them! I asked him to bring 199 more people to help me take the flyers but he just said he is confident that I can do it and just smile in front of everyone (and attract poly boys). Some help he is. Perhaps this worry os also unfounded?

This worry part seems to be quite true!

Teeth are used to bite, tear, chew and gnaw. In this regard, teeth symbolize power. And the loss of teeth in your dream may be from a sense of powerlessness. Are you lacking power in some current situation? Perhaps you are having difficulties expressing yourself or getting your point across. You feel frustrated when your voice is not being heard. You may be experiencing feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-confidence in some situation or relationship in your life. This dream may be an indication that you need to be more assertive and believe in the importance of what you have to say.

Powerlessness? Maybe, cos I feel helpless that I cant do anything to deal with my family problem. I dont have the relevant knowledge in that area. Now I can only adopt a wait and see attitude before the results are out.

Inferiority… on the scholarship rejection I guess. I do not know how many people got it and how many people were there for the interview (I only saw 6 people in front of me and 2 behind me). But part of me still cant get over it.

I dont really agree with the assertive part because the current situation now is already fixed, or that I have to wait for the outcome. How can I speak up against something that is already set in stone?

A scriptural interpretation for bad or falling teeth indicates that you are putting your faith, trust, and beliefs in what man thinks, rather than in the word of God. The bible says that God speaks once, yea twice in a dream or a vision in order to hide pride from us, to keep us back from the pit, to open our ears (spiritually) and to instruct and correct us.

I dont want to comment on religious things cos I maintain a secular stance on my blog. But I admit that my faith is indeed thinning considering all the shit that has happened.

Have so much to blog because I have been keeping myself occupied. But the happiness is only temporary. I am in sef-denial mode and escaping from problems. But I cant even do anything!

New Phone

Will be posting up some happy posts to cover up the miserable one below. But I am still feeling grumpy about it. Have been keeping myself occupied with shopping, doing some Deco stuff and reading about Kim Jong Il. Quite an unwise choice cos I am incurring a deficit, the deco is only temporary and Kim is already dead.

Seems like I ride emotional rollar coasters most of the time.

So which haul should I start off first? Maybe something which I use daily.

Bought a new phone cos my S2 has been driving me crazy. It kept heating up for no apparent reason after I charge it and its battery drained exponentially as a result. Holding it in my hand was like holding my green tea latte. Even starbucks still attaches a fibre sleeve on the cup but my phone cover hardly provides any insulation. So yup presenting my new phone….

SAMSUNG S4! (it doesnt have a face and hands in real life)

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No surprise I guess? S3 is considered old, S2 is ancient, S5 is in the future and i dont use apple products. That makes S4 my 7th phone.

The speed at which my phone files are transferred to S4 is god-level. Was expecting about 10 minutes to transfer my songs but it happened within a few minutes. Camera is 13 MP. Think it can substitute my digital camera already.

Havent come up with a design cos I am too lazy to do so. Someone motivate me please