I am tired

The real thing hasnt kicked in yet but I am already stressed out. I feel really tired and everything looks harder than I thought. Right now what I want to do is to take cover under my false sense of security and hide from any upcoming challenge. Because the more I expect, the more disappointed I get. I already have my share of rejections, I just cannot take any more.

Not that I am being a coward and trying to run away from everything. But sometimes when everything comes smack in front of your face and you have no idea how to overcome them, I can only sought refuge in fiction.

Today during lecture A/P mentioned something along the lines of to survive in this environment, you just have to tackle things one step at a time. I want to do so. But something is hindering me. I dont know what that thing is. There are so many things to tackle every week. I cant even find my priorities.

Sometimes I wonder what I am doing, and why I have chosen this path. How will things turn out when I do something else different?

How will the upcoming challenges turn out if I change my mindset towards them? Should I just try to be perfect but miserable or just be accepting and enjoying the process? Being afraid of falling is tiring, but you still perform well in the end, although you will be mentally exhausted. On the other hand if you just go with the flow and take things as they come, you may stumble. But will people remember you for what you did and judge you accordingly?

I think I have come up with an answer.

But I am still tired.

All in a week

Finally one week of the semester down but it just left me even more overwhelmed. I am looking forward to lectures but definitely not all the assignments. Still having a hard time adjusting to different international accents. And I couldnt get used to lecturers pausing and looking at their scripts before talking again because it makes them sound like a transient entity. Especially when they are not using any microphone.

In the meantime I will get blind soon due to prolonged staring at brightly colored fluorescent highlighters, fonts which are sized 6.5 and sentences spaced 0.05cm apart. And I wonder how is LAM2201 going. I didnt crash lectures cos I am already treading water in my pool of readings. And I think I threw 1/3 of what I learnt in level 1 out of the window. Saya berasa amat maaf untuk cikgu!!!!!!!

Think I wasted 1/4 of my time waiting for printers to print out my readings. The more I print the more confused I got. Apparently there is this module which YH and I took. Readings are not uploaded to the website due to some copyright law (so obedient law-abiding citizen) so we had to photocopy from this section in the library which only allows us to borrow the book for 2 hours. Meanwhile the printing room is operating at maximum capacity so there is nothing we can do about it but to queue up and wait.

I have came up with an ode for printers:

Oh printer! Mighty! Resistant!

Of being overworked by every student of the institution,

But it still stands and whirs with vigour.

Highly respected by all alike.

Weariness, misuse and concussion,

It never complains.

A few taps of awakening,

it continues its service.

The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity

the mighty printer has done it all.

 

This is even more irregular than an irregular ode.

All right. Till then!

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Intelligent Crapping

I am using up my remaining freedom to blog before school starts in 10 hours and 55 minutes.

Ever since RX had whatsapp, she has been spamming me with questions regarding her school work. I try not to get irritated although I am super irritated. For god’s sake it is your homework! Not mine! Cant you ***censored*** do your homework by yourself? I really support the claim that technology makes people lazy.

Anyway my homework for today was this:

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I am not her parent! I am her cousin! And how on earth would I know what is going on in her primary school?

But the 1st question is indeed a very controversial one. Years after years MOE has been revamping the education system. For one second they promote the sciences. Another second they emphasize on moral values. Then 5 seconds later they decided that liberal arts is important. In school we discuss the purpose and our ideals of education. MOE comes up with masterplans with the end in mind. After so many decades, do you think the education system in the country has improved? Or was it just screwed up till the extent that it cannot be saved?

I could have said stuff like I believe that certain important aspects of Asian values which were previously under-represented in education, should be given priority. If not there will be more cases of students fucking with their teachers in order to get better grades. But I didnt want to get slammed for saying such crude content.  With RX continuously spamming me angry emoticons, I managed to smoke a few sentences on whatsapp and this was what I wrote:

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She wrote it word for word. Not enough space provided for her to write finish also! I bet the the school management who read this must be thinking her father is nuts.

I didnt help her for part B. But if I were her I would have wrote things like more learning journeys to museums, heritage sites and abandoned buildings to relieve the past. Even though there is no explanatory signboard outside the abandoned building stating about its background, yet I feel that these buildings hold the most historical value because people have personally experienced their lives there which makes the memories really treasured. On historical blogs Singaporeans go “ohh I recognise that place” or “ohh that building!” and “those were the times”,  but those times are already gone. Only when things vanish then we realise its importance.

But yeah! I managed to smoke this much in 5 minutes! (pats myself on the back)

Any more questions from her will not be entertained from tomorrow onwards.

Meanwhile my tablet is still in the Samsung hospital. I wonder when it will be discharged.  Till then!

Charlotte’s Web

Finally done clearing out my room. Threw out many things and now in the process of finishing some old books before I give them away. Finished reading Charlotte’s Web last night and had a lot of afterthoughts. (Dont laugh at me lah, there is no rule saying that adults cant read that book)

It is out of everyone’s minds to see a forged friendship between a spider and a pig. But it happened in the book anyway. So in summary Charlotte saves Wilbur from becoming roast pork by writing praise words regarding Wilbur using her web. There is also Templeton the Rat assisting her in saving Wilbur. Well you can say that both Templeton and Charlotte are the closest to Wilbur, but as friends they have strikingly different personalities.

Templeton is always pissed and grumpy whenever Charlotte asks him to find clippings from the dump so that she can weave appropriate adjectives on her web. He was breaking point at the Fair scene when Wilbur begged him to bring Charlotte’s egg sac back to the barn. Then he starts to list out all the past deeds he has done like taking 234435 trips to the dump and complains how no one appreciates his efforts. In the end both came to an agreement that Templeton will eat Wilbur’s meals till he could eat no more before Wilbur starts eating.

Does Templeton sound like a friend who is always acting 大牌? Those who will go all whiny when they are being entrusted with a favour. They always expect something in return after they are done. It is like entering into a social contract with the other party. I doubt there is ever any sincerity involved. However a part of me does feel for him because it isnt nice at all being ordered around like a servant. After all he still gets the job done, rather grudgingly, provided if food is a reward for him. His acts of kindness are always driven by gluttony. In the end he ate till he ballooned like a small woodchuck. Is this the right motivation and mindset for us to harbour if we are to engage in doing good deeds?

Conversely Charlotte befriends Wilbur and devoted nearly her entire life to save him. She appears bloodthirsty andrather aloof initially. But as the plot develops, she is actually a warm and caring character who stands loyal to Wilbur. She doesnt ask for any reward after Wilbur’s success and there wasnt anyone with her when she was left to die alone when the Fair ended (Scientifically speaking, female spiders die shortly after laying eggs). Charlotte did leave behind a legacy for Wilbur which is her children. Wilbur befriends 3 of her offspring who decided to live in the barn after the rest became aeronauts and this continues for subsequent generations of spiders. However we all know that Charlotte remains irreplaceable to Wilbur.

Charlotte does remind us of what an exemplary true friend is. They are people who are willing to sacrifice themselves and fade out quietly in the background after their mission is accomplished. They do not ask for any recognition, because they know their biggest reward is when they are able to gain their friend’s trust. Regardless of whatever precarious situation you have landed yourself into, your true friend will never betray you nor give up on you. They will only be assured when they help you get out of your difficulty. You feel that true friends will always stand by you, even if they are not physically by your side, just like Charlotte’s subsequent children accompanying Wilbur for the rest of his lifetime. We can have many friends around us, but how many true friends do we have?

Anyway since I cant do literature for nuts, this is just my 2-cents worth on the personalities of Templeton and Charlotte as friends.

And here is one of my favorite quotes from the book:

“What do you mean less than nothing? I dont think there is any such thing as less than nothing. Nothing is absolutely the limit of nothingness. It is the lowest you can go. It is the end of the line. How can something be less than nothing? If there were something that was less than nothing, then nothing would not be nothing, it would be something – even though it’s just a very little bit of something. But if nothing is nothing, then nothing has nothing that is less than it is.”

Just beware of scolding someone as a “less than nothing” if not he will rain this quote on you.

Children literature indeed sets you thinking! The most innocent, childish plot may contain the most profound, thought-provoking meaning.

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Overwhelmed

Having a lack of blog posts recently. Probably because I have been reading up too much haul and event blog posts till the extent that I cant come up with thought-provoking content.  But overwhelmed is the feeling I am having right now. Too many things happening at once. I am lost in orientating myself.

Sometimes I wonder how people at the bottom rung are feeling. Bottom rung as in one’s performance in the worksphere. It turns out to be a viscous cycle to me. From the bottom rung perspective, the people at the top seem to have some tricks hidden in their sleeves. They may appear happy-go-lucky or even bimbotic. But when the time comes for them to shine, they really shine. They get noticed by other people high out there to further stretch their potential. With fame brings more fame.

Conversely, how are bottom rung-ers doing? I will leave out the element of laziness in this context because I feel that hard work is part of success. What if they work hard but their  efforts still dont bring them some recognition? They may have hidden potential but there isnt anyone encouraging them to express themselves to a higher level. Maybe their methods of working is wrong at the moment but there is no one pointing that out to them. What happens in the end? They repeat the same things over and over again if they are unwilling to change. They remain undiscovered. Forgotten.

What constitutes success in your career? Hard work? Talent? Personality? Opportunity? How does it feel when you badly want to break through your limitations but you cant figure out what is hindering you? Do you feel the need to constantly be perfect in whatever task you are assigned? Once a mistake is committed, will people judge you? Is failure like the Ginosaji hitting you with a spoon wherever you go?

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I wonder what made me come up with these thoughts. Maybe I have been witnessing rivalry personally and as a 3rd party. But ultimately, just be a saint. To those who are successful, wish them well. Dont expect too much of yourself because it will get really exhausting. Even just by thinking about future plans and minute details, your brain feels cramped already.

On a side note I was packing my room yesterday. I came across an old notebook which I wrote a page about my crush from secondary school. And I saw this last sentence.

太过度想你,也会有疯狂的时候。太过度爱你,也会有分手的一天。太过度暗恋你,也会有感情淡化的时刻。我宁愿你成为我脑海中的一个美好的回忆,也不希望变成一个会更你分手的恋人。

Seriously I was shocked with what I wrote. Partly because of the superbly good chinese. But mostly how I just let my feelings pass without telling him that I have a crush on him. And the weird thing is that he keeps appearing in my dreams during that time. I dont want to know about its meaning since that is in the past. Whatever bad omen it may hint to me, just let the dream stay in its original form and let it form part of my memory.

Till then!

NY shopping at City Square JB

Enough of the frugality for the year, I decided to make myself happy for once and spend at City Square JB. No shopping for myself for another 3 months apart from shopping for new year food. (Bought the clothes since last year)

Went with ST, my mum and my uncle who sacrificed his day to accompany us cos we are F-graders in how to go to Johor.

Had lunch at Kenny Rogers. Embarrassed myself in front of the manager at the entrance. I told him “Tiga Orang” (my uncle is a hard liner vegetarian), then he said “Sekerang,……….blah blah blahbfhfbgeiwuhcrewbyefgcuiwefcpbgfyuvewtiyc”.

Me: WHAT??!?!?!?!? (Then everyone started laughing like crazy)

Seriously if you are to take up a language module, dont stop at the 1st level. Go all out. Dont be like me who decided to minor in religious studies. Guess I will never have the chance to take level 2000 and higher for malay again.

Anyway, he said that now the staff are cleaning up the table, so we had to wait for a while before we can get a seat.

Well the service have much room for improvement. I wont list out all the blunders committed, but you get the idea.

Food is ok, this was what we had:

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ST and I, 2nd pic is my mum (I still havent got over the habit of making funny faces)

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Happened to get dada ayam for the chicken. Daging banyak! Was so full after eating that I cant finish the drink. A pity cos I loved the drink as well. Anyway we had to resort to using our hands to eat the chicken cos it was to difficult for us to eat with utensils. Bet the customers there were super disgusted with our image. We look as though we are eating chicken wings from nasi lemak in the hawker centre.

One not-very-gracious picture of me eating:

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Parts of City Square still under renovation. But most of the shops are branded clothing outposts so it looks like a singaporean shopping mall. However some designs of the goods arent available in singapore depending on which shop you go and prices are relatively cheaper. There is also a singaporean equivalent of Bugis street called Inner City with shops selling pirated dvds. Typical Malaysian shop assistants follow you silently around wherever you go. Arugh.

I feel tempted to do a review of my haul like any other girl blogger who finishes her shopping. Heck originality, I shall do it.

From Chamelon I got this tribal looking wood ring. There are more varieties of everything at Chamelon but some of the prices are similar to that of singapore’s so just be discerning. While trying for the size, one of the ring got stuck on my finger cos the size was too small (I dont want to admit that my finger is fat cos it isnt fat at all!)  I was super panicky cos I didnt want to pay for a ring that will give me a blood clot along my finger. Price: RM2.90

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Bought a pair of ribbon flats from Vern’s. Usually I either shop for flats with ribbons or zip up sandals. Initially saw a dark blue one at Summit but size 38 wasnt available. The Bata there also downgraded to a smaller shop size. Anyway there is a shoe shop at Inner City that sold Gladiator heels but the zip is too high (either half-shin or knee level). Other than that the designs from that shop are quite unique. I forgot the name already but the shop is damn recognisable cos it looks like a quaint little glass house from an english fairytale. Just look for the gate like exit door. Back to topic, the price of the shoe I got was RM 39.90

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From Diva I got this horoscope cuff and a 5 charm necklace. Apparently Diva is having a sale from RM9 onwards but the items are still pricey. I have a bad feeling that I got scammed by the necklace but I already bought it. Anyway, the horoscope cuff happened to be the last for Virgo so lucky me! ahahaha. Saw quite interesting necklace pendants like a camera which produces a shutter sound when the button is pressed, and a gumball machine design. Virgo band is RM13 while the scam necklance cost RM29.

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I got this wired virgo pendant from a pushcart at Inner City. In fact I think that’s my only buy from that place. Saw a bronze bracelet with music embellishments and was quite tempted to buy it. Somemore it is secured by magnetic clipping which is really unconventional. But it’s damn expensive at a price of RM39.90. Anyway the pendant cost RM10. RM34 with chain included. So scammerish! (It’s supposed to be silver; the filter made it look gold)

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This is my happiest buy of all! At first we were prepared to leave the shop after I couldnt find a bag which I like, but I saw something pink and I was damn glad I walked towards it. Have been hunting for a backpack for quite a while. My shoulder is aching from carrying tote bags but I couldnt find a design I like/too lazy cos I was too preoccupied with studying than shopping. Anyway I am so glad I found this bag!!!!! Price is RM39.90 from The Bag Shop.

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After ST and I are done with our shopping we went back to Swensens where my mum and uncle were waiting for us. And guess what happened when we walked out of the shop?

Mum: Thank you for the ice-cream coffee treat!

My uncle immediately ran back to Swensens cos he realised that he walked out without paying. Biggest joke of the century.

We went to a pastry shop called Lavender. It sells nice pudding which YY and RX likes so my uncle bought it for us as well. I ate the one below this morning. Tastes like egg custard with a burnt-tasting liquid at the bottom. Havent tried the one with mango yet.

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On the way back to the checkpoint we chanced upon this accessories shop called Black Queen. It is having a sale and earrings can cost as low as RM1 but I didnt buy those cos they look rusty. The music bracelet below looks like the RM39.90 one apart from having lesser diamonds, different color and no magnetic clip. Total haul is RM23.

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Had dinner at a vegetarian restaurant at Redhill. Surprisingly it tasted good. ST and I shared the mee and pineapple fried rice. My uncle had olive fried rice and I thought it tasted weird. Like gasoline?! We initially went to the jurong branch but it closed early. En route I saw the signboard to Chinese Garden and I thought we were lost cos we are going further and further away from Redhill! Guess I am too used to the MRT and forgot that there is something called expressway.

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Yup so that sums up our trip. Saw many students shopping there even though school just started. Think Malaysian students start their term on the same day as us. So envious of them cos they still have time to go shopping! Why I dont even have time to go berjalan-jalan when school starts?!?!?! I wish I can have a more laid-back life but society now doesnt permit people to have one. Alright, people have liberty to choose to live a slack life but it is at their own risk and they have to bear the consequences sooner or later. And I think I had enough of the fun. Time to tidy my room to prepare myself for another challenging semester.